Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
