Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize