I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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