if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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