Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
