I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
