He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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