she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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