i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
