Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
