and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
