Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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