Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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