Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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