Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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