You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
