The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
as a side note pls kill me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
