Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
