my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
