Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
