Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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