Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they need to just BURY HIM!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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