Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
