I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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