I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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