We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
