one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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