I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize