I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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