so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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