I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
