I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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