His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
