So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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