I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
