Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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