I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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