So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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