After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
