Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The best revenge is premature balding
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
