Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
