Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
