I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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