i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
