Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
