Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
