What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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