You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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