Already got asked if we're dating
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
