I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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