I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
