I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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