you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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