all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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