I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
