I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
