Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
