Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
