Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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