In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
