Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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