he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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