Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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