dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
