Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
