I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
