I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He has the fingertips of a God
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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