She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
