it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
