We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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