I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
